All marriages go through bad patches, and there may be times when the problems seem insurmountable. If there is a genuine desire on both sides to make the relationship work, these episodes can in fact be used to strengthen the marriage and to increase trust and understanding.
Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not on the way out, For most people, the ideal marriage still remains of a deep and lasting relationship with one person with whom they share a home, and perhaps the possibility of children. In many ways, people today have higher expectations of marriage than ever before. And it is the gap between these expectations and reality that can lead to marriage problems and even the breakdown of a marriage relationship. People are confused about what marriage involves nowadays because the roles of husband and wife are no longer clearly defined. Thirty years ago the conventional marriage partnership was one where the husband was the main bread-winner and the wife was responsible for the home and children. Now a different type of marriage is emerging where roles are more equal and interchangeable.
Where such an arrangement works it can be extremely rewarding for both partners, but because it is breaking new ground, marriage is at present fraught with difficulty. It is the sort of issue couples should look at carefully before they get married so that they can both try to understand the implications of whatever arrangements they decide to make before ending the marriage relationship. There is, of course, room for many different ways of sharing. The main thing is that both partners should be happy with the roles they have chosen, and both remain flexible and open to change.
Ignoring the warning signs
There is a romantic idea that people marry because they fall in love and are convinced that they are right for each other in every way. But discussions with people whose marriages have broken up often reveal that there were warning signs right from the beginning of the marriage relationship, and that one of the partners had reservations about going ahead.
Many people are over-optimistic. Although they know that their prospective partner drinks too much, is mean or extravagant with money, they imagine that everything will change with marriage-the chances are it will not.
We all have an image of the sort of person we want as a partner and a common mistake is to invest someone we care about with all sorts of qualities and attributes which they do not in fact possess. Then if they do not match up to our expectations, we feel let down. But the fault is ours in looking for an ideal person to fill our needs and compensate for our failings, rather than a real person with faults and needs like ourselves.