Marriage is not a magic formula for happiness. Its success depends very much on what both partners are prepared to put into it. But some marriages may be more stressed than others just because one or both partners had negative reasons for getting married in the first place. They saw the relationship as an escape from a difficult situation.

A young girl with strict parents, for instance, may see marriage as a way to gain freedom and independence. Once married, she may then find that the continuous adaptation to another person’s needs within a marriage is even more irksome than parental restrictions.

Some people marry simply for security. They lack confidence in many areas ad see their partner as a strong person, providing constant emotional support. Trouble arises when the partner in turn looks to them for support in a crisis. They become frightened and panic, and the relationship may founder.

Again, those with low self-esteem may marry the first person who comes along, not because they have a lot in common but because they are afraid no one else will show any interest in them. As they mature and gain in confidence they may feel trapped by the person who at first seemed to offer a solution.

All marriages go through bad patches, and there may be times when the problems seem insurmountable. If there is a genuine desire on both sides to make the relationship work, these episodes can in fact be used to strengthen the marriage and to increase trust and understanding.

Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not on the way out, For most people, the ideal marriage still remains of a deep and lasting relationship with one person with whom they share a home, and perhaps the possibility of children. In many ways, people today have higher expectations of marriage than ever before. And it is the gap between these expectations and reality that can lead to marriage problems and even the breakdown of a marriage relationship. People are confused about what marriage involves nowadays because the roles of husband and wife are no longer clearly defined. Thirty years ago the conventional marriage partnership was one where the husband was the main bread-winner and the wife was responsible for the home and children. Now a different type of marriage is emerging where roles are more equal and interchangeable.

Where such an arrangement works it can be extremely rewarding for both partners, but because it is breaking new ground,  marriage is at present fraught with difficulty. It is the sort of issue couples should look at carefully before they get married so that they can both try to understand the implications of whatever arrangements they decide to make before ending the marriage relationship. There is, of course, room for many different ways of sharing. The main thing is that both partners should be happy with the roles they have chosen, and both remain flexible and open to change.

Ignoring the warning signs

There is a romantic idea that people marry because they fall in love and are convinced that they are right for each other in every way. But discussions with people whose marriages have broken up often reveal that there were warning signs right from the beginning of the marriage relationship, and that one of the partners had reservations about going ahead.

Many people are over-optimistic. Although they know that their prospective partner drinks too much, is mean or extravagant with money, they imagine that everything will change with marriage-the chances are it will not.

We all have an image of the sort of person we want as a partner and a common mistake is to invest someone we care about with all sorts of qualities and attributes which they do not in fact possess. Then if they do not match up to our expectations, we feel let down. But the fault is ours in looking for an ideal person to fill our needs and compensate for our failings, rather than a real person with faults and needs like ourselves.

It is a fact that in most of the time other people will be more alert than you do, thus it is important to recognize the manic depression in yourself  :

• You may well be too despondent to care when you are down or too carefree to believe it when your are elated.
• After a while, you may realize that you are subject to extreme swings of mood. You may even be able to predict them and be able to take appropriate medical or other action.
• You may notice that you sometimes feel both elated and depressed at the same time However odd this may seem, it is a very clear indication of manic depression, especially if the feeling lasts for a day or two.
• You will certainly notice the mood swings from elation to depression.
• You must watch that “taking the strain” for the person doesn’t produce stress problems in yourself.
• You should look after the administration of any drugs, since the person will forget when he or she is elated and will be uncaring when feeling depressed.